Information is good.

So I'll share.

I'm a 30-something married (7 years) old woman, who prefers to remain anonymous (so much for the sharing, right?).

My husband and I decided we were ready for kiddos last October, and I subsequently went of the Pill.

No pregnancy by February 07, so I started charting (www.fertilityfriend.com), and that month got my first ever positive pregnancy test!

So happy!

So excited!

Midwife office called, friends told, family already sending baby things!

Fast forward (time went really, really slow) to 9 w 4 d.

Tiny, eensy little bits of spotting.

Freak out.

Midwife called!

Ultrasound at noon on the next day.

Ultrasound.

No baby.

Bawled eyes out.

Hubby takes me to brew pub where we cry together over a couple of pints.

Stop by the liquor store on the way home for more fortification.

Stay home from work for a week or so.

Still no baby...yet nothing happened.

Call Midwife again.

She wants to schedule a D&C or have me take some scary drug if nothing happens soon.

That was enough to scare my body into miscarrying naturally, started bleeding that afternoon.

Damn, this is PAINFUL. Labor eh? ok...I can hack it.

(If I can have a baby)

Miscarry completely and naturally on my own, at home. HCG levels are back to normal 10 days later.

Wait a month to "recover".

Man this sucks. Big time. What did I do wrong? Why did my baby die? Why does my addict sister have 3 kids?

Fast forward to now, 3 months post miscarriage.

Baby? TTC again, charting. Fearful, scared of all the potential unknowns in this whole process.